Adam Sandler The Hypnotist LyricsArtist: Adam Sandler
Popularity : 2 users have visited this page.
Performed by adam sandler and kevin
Transcribed by big brother.
Dr. stewart: hi, [iâ€™m] dr. stewart.
Gary phelps: hi, dr. stewart. nice to meet you -- Iâ€™m gary phelps.
Dr. stewart: my pleasure. gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
Gary phelps: no, I havenâ€™t. Iâ€™m actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I --
Dr. stewart: all right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
Gary phelps: to be honest with you, I saw your name in the yellow pages, and it said youâ€™re good at this stuff, so I just, I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
Dr. stewart: so smoking is your problem?
Gary phelps: yeah, I canâ€™t stop smoking and itâ€™s -- itâ€™s finally, like, affecting everything I do, I canâ€™t run, I canâ€™t play basketball and all that stuff like that, so i, I gotta give it up.
Dr. stewart: how long have you smoked, gary?
Gary phelps: uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just canâ€™t kick it, you know?
Dr. stewart: yeah, right. [small, barely noticeable fart] all right, gary, why donâ€™t you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax -- what I do is hypnosis.
Gary phelps: right.
Dr. stewart: basically I just want you to sit back and relax -- let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel comfortable and trust me.
Gary phelps: [noticing fart sound] uh...
Dr. stewart: thatâ€™s it.
Gary phelps: o-kay....
Dr. stewart: thatâ€™s it.
Gary phelps: that was...o-kay...
Dr. stewart: all right? okay. gary, I want you to close your eyes, and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing. okay? thatâ€™s it. now Iâ€™m gonna count backwards from five
Gary phelps: right.
Dr. stewart: -- and I just want you to relax, and youâ€™re going to fall into a deep state of mind -- of subconsciousness -- youâ€™re very comfortable, Iâ€™ll be counting back from five, I just want y
Relax, and just think of nothing.
[three farts in succession]
Gary phelps: are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
Dr. stewart: hmm? just concentrate now. thatâ€™s it. close your eyes. keep your eyes closed. okay. now. weâ€™re very comfortable. five [small fart], weâ€™re thinking of nothing except being comfortabl
Nothingâ€™s bothering us. okay. when I say the word "relax," listen to me, youâ€™re sinking, youâ€™re sinking, [medium fart]
Gary phelps: oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
Dr. stewart: please just try to relax; that wasnâ€™t me. okay. youâ€™re very stressed -- youâ€™re very stressed. okay, four, weâ€™re relaxing, weâ€™re relaxing, youâ€™re very comfortable, youâ€™re very, very
Ed. okay. four, three...[fart]
Gary phelps: oh my dear god, sir...uh, I canâ€™t...
Dr. stewart: that was the couch. I know it sounded like -- itâ€™s -- the vinyl -- itâ€™s a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate. okay. and weâ€™re very sleepy, weâ€™re relaxed, thinking nothing
Ers us, nothing bothers us -- [several farts]
Gary phelps: uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe? Iâ€™m just having a tough time concentrating --
Dr. stewart: hmm? here we go -- there, there, weâ€™re relaxing, weâ€™re relaxing [fart and cough together] three, two, two --
Gary phelps: I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that. I canâ€™t concentrate when youâ€™re doing that.
Dr. stewart: this is what I do. itâ€™s a counting-down thing. weâ€™re relaxing now. just relax -- let it go, donâ€™t focus on anything else, just concentrate on what weâ€™re doing here. three, two, rela
Lax, thatâ€™s it, just relax [fart], weâ€™re relaxing now --
Gary phelps: okay -- youâ€™re gonna -- that one was -- itâ€™s getting a little irritating --
Dr. stewart: hang on just a second here. let me just step out a second here.
Gary phelps: thatâ€™d be good.
Dr. stewart: all right, and weâ€™re relaxing, as I leave, weâ€™re relaxing, still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
Gary phelps: jesus...oh my god.
Dr. stewart: weâ€™re relaxing.
Gary phelps: [trying hard not to laugh]
Dr. stewart: okay, Iâ€™m back, weâ€™re relaxing, and weâ€™re counting down, weâ€™re to two, and all weâ€™re thinking about is healthy, fresh air. freshness. breathing in. breathing in deep, letting out. [
Gary phelps: sir, Iâ€™d appreciate if you could stop â€™letting it outâ€™. but okay, okay, fine, thank you.
Dr. stewart: thatâ€™s it, youâ€™re all right, everythingâ€™s good. all right, you feel very comfortable, youâ€™re sinking into the chair, weâ€™re relaxing, one [long fart], and weâ€™re coming down to zero a
Gary phelps: oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
Dr. stewart: no, no, that time that was you.
Gary phelps: that wasnâ€™t me!
Dr. stewart: weâ€™re not here to pick sides, weâ€™re not here to pick sides, that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but right now weâ€™re dealing with the smoking, and, um
â€™s not worry about anything else thatâ€™s going down --
Gary phelps: ok, Iâ€™ve just gotta kick this habit.
Dr. stewart: down to zero, relaxing, weâ€™re going to feel very fresh [fart], weâ€™re going to feel very healthy [fart], and letâ€™s take a nice, deep breath --
Gary phelps: I canâ€™t breathe, sir, uh, Iâ€™m sorry, I just -- ["squirty" fart]
Gary phelps: oh my God -- what did you eat? it smells like baby food --
Dr. stewart: all right, weâ€™re relaxing -- that one probably squirted out a little into the pants, but weâ€™ll just continue with thte floating [fart] -- yeah, that was definitely a squirt -- but h
E go, one, zero, we are under. are you relaxed?
Gary phelps: yeah, Iâ€™m under, I guess.
Dr. stewart: here we go, relaxing, relaxing. youâ€™re under a deep trance, you will not smoke anymore, you will just feel healthy from now on, and youâ€™ll be breathing in nothing but fresh air, and
Will not smell anything in this room, it wasnâ€™t me, it wasnâ€™t me farting [fart] -- that was not me --
Gary phelps: [hysterically laughing under his breath] youâ€™re gonna have to stop doing that, sir. itâ€™s just very hard for me to listen to you when youâ€™re --
Dr. stewart: youâ€™re floating now, youâ€™re high above, youâ€™re looking down, nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
Gary phelps: oh man...
Dr. stewart: -- that was you,
Gary phelps: that was not me, sir! Iâ€™m watching you!
Dr. stewart: that was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, donâ€™t worry, she gets it all the time. all right -- you smell noth
Iâ€™m perfectly clean. I have no bad gas; it was all from outside or from -- from -- you yourself. and letâ€™s not forget the smoking thing thatâ€™s why youâ€™re here. no smoking. repeat after me: I am
Gary phelps: what?
Dr. stewart: all right, weâ€™re moving along, and we;â€™re relaxed. [fart] all right, and now weâ€™re going to count back up, up one to five,
Gary phelps: ok, you know, I think this is fine, I donâ€™t want to smoke...
Dr. stewart: gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five, you will snap out of this, and you wonâ€™t remember this, especially the smell, the smell was from you. all right? and here we go. ze
Eâ€™re coming out of it, youâ€™re waking up slowly, your eyes are opening, one, youâ€™re feeling good, and when you wake up, youâ€™ll feel wide awake and perfect youâ€™ll feel whole and [fart] all-righty,
Pped that one out there and I apologize. I ripped a good one there. that was a nice out..
Gary phelps: that was not nice.
Dr. stewart: here we go, and, weâ€™re coming right [fart]
Gary phelps: what was that?
Dr. stewart: that was three.
Gary phelps: it didnâ€™t sound like three.
Dr. stewart: three, Iâ€™m counting, and four, itâ€™s no smell in here, and you donâ€™t smoke, you donâ€™t want a cigarette, no, and here we go [fart] five, and -- [snap] do you want a cigarette?
Gary phelps: no I donâ€™t.
Dr. stewart: then my job is done.
Gary phelps: [bursts into laughter]
Dr. stewart: [fart] please leave the door open as you leave. [fart]
Gary phelps: ok, thank you, doctor.
[typing resumes and another fart is heard]
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