Rockingham Album

Artist(s): Nerf Herder

Cover Art

Nerf Herder Rockingham Cover Art

Tracklist

Portland

length: 2:58

[Verse]

Go back to Portland
Go back to school
Go back to the 90s
When shit was cool
Go back to metal
Go back to punk
Go back to fucking
And fucking up

[Chorus]

Ohh let's slam the crust punk
'Cause he grabbed your bag of doughnuts
On the corner of southwest, 13th avenue
Nobody gives a fuck
About your stupid food truck at all
Out on the streets
Of Portland

[Spoken]

(And there's more!)
(Alright)

[Verse]

Stop leaving parties
Stop going home
Stop jerking off with
Your iPhone
Stop eating kale
On your sub
Stop drinking coffee
In a strip club

[Chorus]

Ohh let's slam the crust punk
Over a bag of doughnuts
On the corner of southwest, 13th avenue
Nobody gives a damn
About your stupid folk rock band at all
Out on the streets
Of Portland

[Bridge]

Portland x15

Bus ride, (Portland!)
Burnside, (Portland!)
Get drunk, (Portland!)
Crust punk, (Portland!)
Bookstore, (Portland!)
Doughnut, (Portland!)
And that's everything I know about Portland

[Chorus]

Buying the crust punk
A nice big bag of doughnuts
On the corner of southwest, 13th avenue
No one gives a doggy doo
About your stupid home brew at all
Out on the streets
The filthy streets
The crust punk streets
The food truck streets
Out on the streets
Of Portland

Portland, Portland, Portland

At the Con

length: 2:56

[Verse 1]
All week I've been slaving at work
Now I'm gonna dress up like a Captain Kirk
Uh huh!
Beam me up tonight
Yeah!
I Can't wait till you're right beside me
Like a Gold Bikini Leia or a Poison Ivy
Uh huh!
It's gonna be tight
Oh!

[Chorus]
At the Con (At the Con)
See a Dalek from Dr. Who
At the Con (At the Con)
Emma Frost and Sailor Moon
At the Con (At the Con)
Get crazy with a Pikachu
At the Con (At the Con)
At the Con (At the Con)

Meet me at the Con
Meet me at the Con

[Verse 2]
Stan Lee and a Spiderman
Are gonna play some Settlers of Catan
Uh huh!
We're gonna table top it
Whoa!
A Klingon, A Ferengi, and the hammer of Thor
A sorting hat, and a Dumbledore
Uh huh!
There'll be no stopping tonight

[Chorus]
At the Con (At the Con)
You be a Lannister, I'll be a Stark
At the Con (At the Con)
I'm gonna buy some Brony art
At the Con (At the Con)
We're gonna Filk and we're gonna LARP
At the Con (At the Con)
At the Con
Meet me at the Con

[Bridge]
This line so long? (So long it is)
Yes, why is this line long? (It's very long)
This line is for Wil Wheaton, (Lt. Crusher he was)
No, this line is for Joss Whedon (Buffy is what he does)
Who would be defeated? (Defeated)
In a battle between Wheaton and Whedon?
And who would get Seth Green?
Oh!

[Verse 3]
Gonna party with Mr. Spock
And a droid and a hobbit and a ewok!
Uh huh!
Eee choppa yub nub!
Whew!

[Chorus]
At the Con (At the Con)
See the Hulk and Harley Quinn
At the Con (At the Con)
A Cyberman and the Super Friends
At the Con (At the Con)
Next year we'll do it all again
At the Con (At the Con)
At the Con
Meet me at the Con

The Girl Who Listened to Rush

length: 3:48

[Verse]
From the back of the stadium
She's easy to see
Standing up at the stage
In her Starman tee
From "Anthem" to "Limelight"
To "YYZ"
She's the girl who listened to Rush

[Verse 2]
And all of the rockers
And all of the heshers
Well they dreamed of the day
That they might get her
And drive her away
In a "Red Barchetta"
She's the girl who listened to Rush

[Chorus]
Philosophers and ploughmen
They can't resist her call
They cannot choose
Not to decide
So they've got no choice at all
They've gotta love her

[Verse 3]
No, she doesn't say "Pert"
And she doesn't say "Part"
Yeah, she knows it's "Neil Peert"
‘Cause he's close to her heart
Say a prayer for John Rutsey
He was there at the start
She's the girl who listened to Rush

[Chorus]
Philosophers and ploughmen
They can't resist her call
They cannot choose
Not to decide
So they've got no choice at all
They've gotta love her

[Bridge]
Why don't girls ever listen to Rush? (x9)
But she listened to Rush!

[Chorus]
The blacksmith and the artist
They can't resist her call
You cannot choose
Not to decide
So you've got no choice at all
No, you've got no choice at all
You've gotta love her

Allie Goertz

length: 4:09

[Verse 1]
I've got a checklist of all of the things that I want in a girlfriend
I put a lot of time thinking of the attributes
'Cause I'm a detailed oriented guy
And I finally found a woman who's funny and smart
And likes pastrami
And wears cool glass
And sings about the Simpsons
Yes, her name is Goertz
Yeah, that name is right here on my checklist
Check it out!

[Chorus]
All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
'Cause I like to know what she's doing
All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
When Allie Goertz walks by
And she's friends with Chris Hardwick
And he's not friends with jerks
Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo
And I'm Fred Mertz
Oh, Allie Goertz

[Verse 2]
Sometimes she makes a tweet
And it's just so very funny that it makes me cry
'Cause it's plain to see that she's out of my league
I get depressed and I have to lie down
Maybe I should write and sing a little song for her
No, that's a bad idea
That would creep her out and I don't want to do that
Oh no, I'm already singing a song for her
Somebody stop me!

[Chorus]
All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
'Cause I like to know what she's doing
All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
When Allie Goertz walks by
And she's friends with Chris Hardwick
And he's not friends with jerks
Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo
And I'm Fred Mertz
Oh, Allie Goertz

[Spoken]
Parry: Oh, hey Stephen. Thanks for coming over. I really appreciate it
Stephen: No problem. What can I do for you?
Parry: Well see, there's this girl. Here's her picture. Do you think I should go for it?
Stephen: Hmm. I think that you are way too old for this girl
Parry: Too old?
Stephen: Yes
Parry: Dude
Stephen: That's what I think
Parry: That's not cool. That's ageism and it's lame. Forget it. You take your little Speak-n-Spell and your Presidential Medal of Freedom and get out of here. The nerve of that guy

[Chorus]
A little birdie chirps
Miley Cyrus twerks
And it's all for Allie Goertz
All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
When Allie Goertz walks by
All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
'Cause I like to know what she's doing
I eat frozen desserts 'til my head hurts
'Cause they're sweet and cool like Allie Goertz
All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz

[Spoken]
Stephen: Now I will find this Allie Goertz and make her mine. Ha ha ha ha ha

We Opened for Weezer

length: 4:30
we opened for weezer
first time on the road
some of us had never even been in the snow
following along in our rental van
back when matt sharp was still in the band called weezer
watching every night from the crowd
saw a kid rush the stage and kick the bass amp down
the wah wah ruling over seven eleven
it was nerd-core heaven in ninety seven with weezer

woah
singing say it aint' so
woah
and the kids kept singing along
woah
in the pittsburgh snow
woah

we opened for weezer
it was a dream come true
our video was playing on the mtv2
right about the time that buffy started slayin'
we were on tour and we were playin' with weezer

they were singin' the blues
pinkerton was gettin' some bad reviews
the guy from rolling stone didn't like the songs
the guy from rolling stone was totally wrong about weezer

woah
singing say it aint' so
woah
and the kids kept singing along
woah
in the pittsburgh snow
woah
the chameleon in lancaster, asbury park
the metropol in pittsburgh, raliegh at marrz
winston-salem, charleston, charlotte, and louisville (louisville!)
the flood zone in richmond, norfolk, va
columbus ohio, the newport music hall
the rave in milwaukee, the barrymore theater in madison ... wisconsin
wisconsin
wisconsin!

we opened for weezer
first time on the road
mid-atlantic states watching every show
following around in our rental van
half-japanese girls singing "god d***" with weezer

matt, pat, brian, and rivers
b***erfly song giving everyone shivers
karl was rad, and karl was gnarly
we were sittin' back stage with mykel and carli and weezer
woah
singing say it aint' so
woah
and the kids kept singing along
woah
in the pittsburgh snow
woah

and the kids say you might as well (jump, jump, jump, jump)
woah
singing say it aint' so
woah
and the kids say you might as well (jump, jump, jump, jump)
woah
in the pittsburgh snow
woah

and the kids say you might as well (jump, jump, jump, jump)
say it ain't so
singin' say it ain't so
singin' say it ain't so
and you might as well jump

Jackie Got Married

length: 2:24

I’m the Droid (You’re Looking for)

length: 3:37

[Verse 1]
You think that you're some kind of rebel
You think that you're some kind of star
You're babbling on
About your mission
The more you tighten your grip
The more it slips
Through your fingers

[Chorus]
I'm the droid you're looking for
I'm the droid you can't ignore
I'm the droid
The one you can't avoid

[Verse]
No, you can't hold me off forever
Only you could be so bold
Etiquette and protocol
It's your lot in life
They'll be no escape this time
Don't act so surprised

[Chorus]
I'm the droid you're looking for
I'm the droid you can't ignore
I'm the droid
The one you can't avoid

[Verse 3]
Hear me baby? Hold together
Help me, you're my only hope
Useless gestures
Against the struggle
Trust that my feelings are heavily shielded
And magnetically sealed

[Chorus]
I'm the droid you're looking for
I'm the droid you can't ignore
I'm the droid
The one you can't avoid

[Outro]
I'm the droid (I am the droid)
I'm the droid (I am the droid)
I'm the droid (I am the droid)

Ghostbusters III

length: 2:41

[Verse 1]
I've been wanting you for so long
So I had to write this song
No I'm never gonna hold your hand
No I'll never be your Marshmallow Man
Check it out

[Chorus]
Ghostbusters 3
And you and me
We're never gonna happen
It's never gonna happen
World peace
And Ghostbusters 3
Never gonna happen
It's never gonna happen
No no way
Oh

[Verse 2]
I'll never be your fool
You're never gonna be my Zuul
No I'm never gonna get to lie with you
And I'm never gonna get to slime ya
I think you know what I mean

[Chorus]
Ghostbusters 3 and you and me
It's never gonna happen
We're never gonna happen
No uh uh
Word peace
And Ghostbusters 3
It's never gonna happen
It's never gonna happen
No no no

[Bridge]
I've been praying for the three of us
You and me and Harold Ramis

[Chorus]
Ghostbusters 3 and you and me
It's never gonna happen
It's never gonna happen
No can do
World peace
And Ghostbusters 3
It's never gonna happen
It's never gonna happen

[Outro]
I'm never gonna be your Marshmallow Man
I'm never gonna be your Marshmallow Man
*It's true this man has no dick*
You can blame it on Bill Murray
Yeah!

Doctor Who

length: 2:45

[Verse 1]
Listen girl to what I say
About the man from Gallifrey
He can show you the planets, he can show you the stars
He can love you more because he's got two arms

[Chorus]
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?

From the nearest world to the farthest
He'll take you there in his TARDIS
What will you see? What will you find?
When you travel with the doctor through space and time

[Chorus]
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?

[Bridge]
And who is gonna save you
When your world is tumbling down?
And who is gonna save you
When your time is running out?
Running out

[Chorus]
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?
Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Whatcha gonna do?

Stock Photo Girl

length: 5:08

Close Your Eyes and Dream

length: 2:49

[Verse 1]
Sneaking around in your backyard oh
With my good friend Tommy DiNardo
He's an actor don't you know
Singing you a midnight serenade
We're drunk on Bacardi and Gatorade oh oh
That's called a Bac-Gator-Ardi
Yeah

[Chorus]
And oh if it's not what you had in mind
Just close your eyes and dream
Close your eyes and dream
And oh wow if it makes you wanna cry
Just close your eyes and dream
Close your eyes and dream

[Verse 2]
Dreams come true
Don't you know
We're watching Tom DiNardo on Jessica Jones oh oh
Season 1 episode 4
What a score!

[Verse 3]
Sneaking back into your backyard oh
Your brother got mad kicked me in the Di-Nard-os
Ouch!
And I thought he was pro
But no!

[Chorus]
And oh if the world is making you cry
Just close your eyes and dream
Close your eyes and dream
And oh if you feel like you wanna die
Just close your eyes and dream
Close your eyes and dream

[Bridge]
Close your eyes and dream
That's what works for me
That's what works for me
Close your eyes and dream
That's what works for me
That's what works for me
Close your eyes and dream
That's what works for me

[Outro]
I'm ok you're ok
He's ok that's ok
And Linus
Linus is also ok
And Tommy DiNardo's ok

Portland (clean version)

length: 2:58

Stock Photo Girl (clean version)

length: 5:08