Who Sang Mister Methane? The Macc Lads

The Macc Lads The Beer Necessities cover art
Release information
Release Date: 1990
Genre: Rock
Style: Punk/Pub Rock
length: 3:41
producer: Bald Eagle
engineer: Bald Eagle
lead vocals: Muttley McLad
background vocals: Stez Styx and The Beater
bass: Muttley McLad
guitar: The Beater
drums (drum set): Stez Styx
composer: Steven Hatton, Tristran O’Neill, Geoffrey Conning
lyricist: Tristran O’Neill
I must be going soft, or I'm turning paranoid,
Its been over a week since I went out with the boys
I've not been down the football, I've missed two stoppy-backs
I haven't been disgusting when I'm chatting-up the crack
I've not been sick or waved me d___ at f____ in the street
Poured bitter down me a___hole or drank a pint of p___
Or slashed through letterboxes, ate kebabs and puked them up
Then I found this old phone number and I thought:
"Oh what the f___- I'll ring it up."
"Help me Mr Methane, what the b______s can I do?"
His secretary says she's got the Kremlin on line two,
And Maggie Thatcher's got a problem with the TUC
And Mr Methane's sorting out the German Unity
I said: "Sod the Bank of England and the economy,
Hang the commie b______s, t___ the EEC,
I've got a problem with my beer and s__ and chips n gravy
And I haven't beat a poof up since a week last Saturday,
Haven't had a s___ since Tuesday, (I forgot to throw her out)
I only drank ten pints last night (its practically nowt)
The secretary says: "I see, I'll get him for you fast!"
Mr Methane came, picked up the phone, and offered his advice
With a blast........

I slammed the phone down, pegged it down the local like a shot,
Drinking beer like something that drinks beer a f___ing lot
Rammed me k___ right down the gob of the nearest bird to me
Took her back, filled her crack, then said: "You've got HIV,
But don't worry, if you hurry, there's a number you can call,
He sorts out massive problems, and viruses are small,
So f___ off to the phonebox, slag, or I'll give you the boot,
She rang up Mr Methane and he cured her instantly....
With a poot.

If you've got a cough, your bitter's off, or you just can't get dead p___ed,
Got no f__s, the wife's a drag, kidnapped by terrorists,
Or something's wrong with the plane you're on and its crashing in the sea,
Call up Mr Methane, he's cured AIDs and dysentry,
Famines, floods and tidal waves and cancer of the heart
And he'll even tell you who will win the two o'clock at York....
With a fart.

©1990 The Macc Lads

CD 1
  • 1 Alcohol
  • 2 Germans
  • 3 Fellatio Nelson
  • 4 Desperate Dan
  • 5 Grease Stop
  • 6 Apprentice Dentist
  • 7 Man in the Boat
  • 8 Newcy Brown
  • 9 McCavity
  • 10 Chester Zoo
  • 11 Naughty Boy
  • 12 Mister Methane
  • 13 More Tea Vicar?
  • 14 Two Stroke Eddie
  • 15 Animal Testing
  • 16 Don’t Fear the Sweeper
  • 17 Poodles